the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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