dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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