Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
