Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
