Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I stole a fireplace last night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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