Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize