you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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