he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just cropdusted the office
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
