Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
