the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
