I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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