I understand Curling. That high.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
