can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just pee around me
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
