Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
