Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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