dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I need a beard to bite.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
