WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
