I skipped work to stalk him.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
