we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
