the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
