Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
