You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize