well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's blow job season.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
