I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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