Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
