um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize