My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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