Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
