oh god the rape fog is back!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
