Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize