i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
