i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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