honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I will pee on everything he values.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
