DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
