OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
