My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
