hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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