Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
