Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
