omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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