Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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