WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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