I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
