i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
and she was petting her beer can
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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