Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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