Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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