Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
