literally had 100 drinks last night.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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