he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize