Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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