he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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