Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize