you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
