Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
