And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
