hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
