We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize