no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
