rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
