No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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