its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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