just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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