Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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