I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
