i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
