never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
