How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
