just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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