I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
