no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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