i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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