I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
