Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
