too bad you live with your parents still
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
