we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
