Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
