I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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