i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
